The past two weeks have been one for the books. My friend Ana and I took a road trip down the east coast for our whole love collaboration. Each stop was filled with so much love and conversation. Conversations that ignited a deep heart check within myself. I realized that there were areas of my heart that were stuck and hidden. It wasn’t until certain topics were discussed and questions were asked that caused me to step into a full blown adventure into the hidden places of my heart.
When Curtis passed away, I remember thinking that God was able to handle all of my questions about why He had to take him so soon. Why it had to happen this way. Why my forever with Curtis looked the way that it did. Just why? All my heart wanted was to be closer to his heart. Well, he recently answered all of my questions with the simplest response, “It had to happen this way…” It was such a simple, direct, yet powerful whisper. I was so blown away, that I needed to fully explore what that meant.
I stepped outside of myself to look into my world and that was when I saw what God meant. Before the foundations of the earth, God saw my whole entire life. He knew, that in order for destiny to be fulfilled in my life, I would have to experience certain things. He wrote my story from beginning to end and even when the enemy tried to hijack my heart, God took it and made it all work for my good. The reality is, God was going to ultimately get the glory out of a young widow that lost her husband unexpectedly. He knew that she would trust Him with the process of grief and not waver in her faith. He knew that her heart would shatter from the great loss but that she would understand that it wasn’t a loss but an exchange. He knew that her name would be called Michelle.
None of what has happened in my life has taken God by surprise. He trusted me with this because there were lives that needed to be saved. Hearts that needed to be healed. It was never about me losing Curtis, but always about the lives that would be touched as a result of the story he wrote. After receiving and reading hundreds of emails, comments, and messages throughout the months, there was one constant thing that stuck out. People saw God in me and that blew my mind. All I ever wanted was for God to use me as a vessel, never would I have chosen this route had I seen it coming, but he knew that too.
I understand now, that it had to happen this way. Every piece of my heart desires for you to continue to see God in all that I do, but always look to him. The truth of the matter is that I too am human. I will make mistakes as a widow and as a young woman discovering life of being single, again. My hopes are that you grab on tight to God and to life. That you recognize that the breath in your lungs is a promise that there is still work to be done here on earth. Somethings in your life just had to happen that way. Yeah, it hurts. I would dare to even say that it sucks, but guess what? That was already calculated into your story. There’s so much freedom in trusting God with everything.
I trust him with my heart because he created it, and I know he would never break it.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5