Grief, Lifestyle, love, Notes.

It Had to Happen this Way

August 23, 2017

The past two weeks have been one for the books. My friend Ana and I took a road trip down the east coast for our whole love collaboration. Each stop was filled with so much love and conversation. Conversations that ignited a deep heart check within myself. I realized that there were areas of my heart that were stuck and hidden. It wasn’t until certain topics were discussed and questions were asked that caused me to step into a full blown adventure into the hidden places of my heart.

When Curtis passed away, I remember thinking that God was able to handle all of my questions about why He had to take him so soon. Why it had to happen this way. Why my forever with Curtis looked the way that it did. Just why? All my heart wanted was to be closer to his heart. Well, he recently answered all of my questions with the simplest response, “It had to happen this way…” It was such a simple, direct, yet powerful whisper.  I was so blown away, that I needed to fully explore what that meant.

I stepped outside of myself to look into my world and that was when I saw what God meant. Before the foundations of the earth, God saw my whole entire life. He knew, that in order for destiny to be fulfilled in my life, I would have to experience certain things. He wrote my story from beginning to end and even when the enemy tried to hijack my heart, God took it and made it all work for my good. The reality is, God was going to ultimately get the glory out of a young widow that lost her husband unexpectedly. He knew that she would trust Him with the process of grief and not waver in her faith. He knew that her heart would shatter from the great loss but that she would understand that it wasn’t a loss but an exchange. He knew that her name would be called Michelle.

None of what has happened in my life has taken God by surprise. He trusted me with this because there were lives that needed to be saved. Hearts that needed to be healed. It was never about me losing Curtis, but always about the lives that would be touched as a result of the story he wrote. After receiving and reading hundreds of emails, comments, and messages throughout the months, there was one constant thing that stuck out. People saw God in me and that blew my mind.  All I ever wanted was for God to use me as a vessel, never would I have chosen this route had I seen it coming, but he knew that too.

I understand now, that it had to happen this way. Every piece of my heart desires for you to continue to see God in all that I do, but always look to him. The truth of the matter is that I too am human. I will make mistakes as a widow and as a young woman discovering life of being single, again. My hopes are that you grab on tight to God and to life. That you recognize that the breath in your lungs is a promise that there is still work to be done here on earth. Somethings in your life just had to happen that way. Yeah, it hurts. I would dare to even say that it sucks, but guess what? That was already calculated into your story. There’s so much freedom in trusting God with everything.

I trust him with my heart because he created it, and I know he would never break it.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5


michelle ana


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  • Reply Evelyn August 24, 2017 at 12:41 am

    Wow, all that can come out of my mouth is wow! You bring me hope and you make me feel as if my life is just as amazing as yours because God created me too. Awe ❤

  • Reply Shauna August 24, 2017 at 1:15 am

    This was deep. I love you and your blog. You are truly an inspiration!

  • Reply Edith August 24, 2017 at 2:14 am

    Wow! I love this so much! It spoke life to me. Thank you for sharing your experience with others. It’s helped make my faith so much stronger. ♥️

  • Reply Johanna August 24, 2017 at 6:41 am

    Thank you for your transparency. I too have gone through something that I ultimately realized had to happen they way.. it is not easy. But with time, God shows you that trusting Him, is the Truth, The Way & The Life to live! May the Lord continue to use you, always.

  • Reply Alexandra Nunez August 24, 2017 at 9:47 am

    Michelle, Michelle, Michelle.

    First and foremost, thank you for loving through your words and sharing the thoughts that go through your mind and speaking love, joy and pain from the heart.

    I have witnessed you and Curtis in your high school days and even then it was something so exclusive and yet, so pure. A true definition of God’s love, walking through the halls of Linden High School. Almost a decade later, I scroll trough my phone in the early morning and was informed of the sad, unexpected but unique event that took place the night before.

    Since then, I have been reminded of God. EVERY SINGLE DAY. God has been using you, because your testimony has truly uplifted me and I always think of your strength when I feel I don’t have it all going on. I love just a tad bit harder and embrace hugs longer. To see your strength, the strength that our Lord has planted in you is growing. And I can’t wait to see how far you will go.

    I have something I’ve been working hard on for you and it’s something truly from the heart. Taken me some time but something’s take time to make perfect. Just how God took his time creating a beautiful creature like yourself. Your story has just started.

    Michelle, continue to prosper. I love you. Godspeed.

  • Reply Ifeoma August 24, 2017 at 10:24 am

    You are amazing. I love your Jesus-filled heart. ❤

  • Reply Kayla Jones August 24, 2017 at 11:31 am

    This post blessed my heart so much! I’m apart of the whole love journey FB family and I just wanted to say I love you sister, and I am praying for you daily!! Although it wasn’t what you would have picked for yourself, I’ve been so excited to see the things the Lord has shown you on this journey and how you continue to grow from it and learn more about yourself and purpose. ❤️

  • Reply Josie August 24, 2017 at 11:56 am

    LOVELY. Praise God =)

  • Reply Nichole August 24, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    Sistaaaaaaa! You have no idea! Your testimony!!!! Such a blessing. It’s so not easy in the world we are in but you are certainly are being used as a vessel for the Lord. Don’t ever stop! The world needs more like you! God bless! Stay focused!

    The Jesus in me loves the Jesus in you! So easy…

  • Reply Debbony Rodriguez August 24, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    You are such a blessing. I pray that God will continue to use you to reach his people because you’ve definitely touched and inspired me to keep my eyes on Christ in the midst of my storm. God bless you!

  • Reply Ines Gomez Payne August 24, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    Michelle I am so grateful and happy for you, am in some sorrow like you, but the almighty God been there to hold me and my son up to believe and see that what had happened was because God had planned it. Looking a love ones is something that only God can have answers to all our questions. I thank God for his mercy among you, his family and even myself. When we lose a love ones unexpectedly breaks our hearts even though we know that God has everything in control and before we were born things in our lives were planned by our creator and only God. However, God is so good tjat only Him has answers to our questions in His own way and time. I am so blessed and touch by your blow that I am you to know that God will continue giving you the strength and wisdom to lift up your head to praise Him with all your heart. I really want to thank you for letting others know how wonderful and real is our Lord Jesus Christ.

  • Reply Yessenia August 24, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    Wow.. this literally just gave me goosbumps. Our God is amazing!!! I’ve felt so drawn to Jesus ever since I stumbled upon your youtube channel. Seeing your relationship with Him, your closeness, how you can hear His voice and trust Him so blindly has made me desperately want that as well. Whenever I feel like I’m losing faith I watch one of your videos. May God bless you and continue to use you for His kingdom!

  • Reply Chavela August 25, 2017 at 1:26 am

    Michelle, THANK YOU for this post! I found you right after my baby daughter passed away May 13th. She was born May 2, and at 11 days old she got sick in the hospital and died from necrotizing entercolitis. My youngest child, my only girl and only child with my current husband who has no kids of his own. I have been crushed inside and out. I had my tubes tied after her birth during delivery not knowing we could lose her, it never even crossed our minds. I often wonder Why did it happen? Why this way? What did I do wrong? Did I not deserve her? How? How can I move forward? I feel I will never be the same. I’ve been forever changed by this sweet Angel. Her name is Amia Rose. Amia means Beloved, our Beloved Rose but ultimately HIS BELOVED. Thank you, you have helped me through the toughest time in my life. Continue to allow God to work through you!

  • Reply Debbie Walker August 25, 2017 at 9:56 am

    “it wasn’t a loss but an exchange.”

    …how those words preached to me!

    Earth for heaven. Is there any comparison? Isn’t heaven the ultimate? Ambitiously, we want to give our loved ones the best…Truth is we can’t. Only God can. You’re grasping that.

    As you experience earth, my prayer is that you, an heir of salvation and Abba’s loved one, will continue to sample that foretaste of Glory Divine–He is our ultimate.

  • Reply Thelma August 25, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    Wow! You are amazing Michelle. Your story is touching lives even all the way here in Zimbabwe. I love you, praying for you and with you always. Keep walking girl, head held high and I am so happy to be a part of your journey as you discover your wings. I am learning a lot through you.

    Blessings xoxo

  • Reply Cynthia Cano August 28, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    I’ve done the same a lot of times — question God for the reasons I’ve gone through so much and I’ve gotten those answers but every once in a blue, I happened to fall into the same trap of questioning what I already know. Thanks for this reminder ❤. Some things ‘just need to happen’ so that God can fulfill his purpose in us.

  • Reply Amber Hargro August 30, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Such a beautiful post Michelle. It’s so true that events in our lives occur because, as you said it, it had to happen that way. You are a great example of what it means to trust that God will heal your broken, even when it still hurts. Thank you for pointing me and others back to the source of true perfection, grace, and mercy, who is Christ. Love ya <3

  • Reply IvonneLUBZeek! August 31, 2017 at 3:23 am

    Beautiful, I will pass these words when someone is need. Bless you

  • Reply Dee August 31, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Wow! The entire post blessed me, but this sentence here just about took me out!

    “I trust him with my heart because he created it, and I know he would never break it.”

    We are God’s Masterpieces, why would He go as far as He did, in sending Jesus to bear all of His wrath for our sins, so that we could be with Him, only to destroy His beautiful creation made in His Image! There is so much peace in knowing God has already strategized, equated, formulated, and evaluated every second of our lives, and just like everything else He created, He has already stepped back and called it “Good!”

    Many Blessings to you on your journey Sis! You have carried yourself with class, grace, authenticity, and integrity. May the Great Exchange continue to make the difference in your life! – Beauty for Ashes ; Joy for Sorrow, and steadfast praise for the Spirit of Heaviness. (Isaiah 61:3)


  • Reply Kimberly Ruiz August 31, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    I absolutely love this. It made me realize that God is the answer to the challenges we face in life. Everything he does is for our good even though sometimes we may not think that way. Thank you for sharing this 💕Godbless you.

  • Reply Michaela November 26, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    That’s was beautiful

  • Reply Leila December 10, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    So beautiful and powerful. Thank you. I’ve passed this post on to my auntie who lost her husband unexpectedly and is alone with a 4-year old boy. I pray that it blesses her bleeding heart.

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