Today is May 1st and a part of me is baffled at how fast time is going. I remember January 9th like it was yesterday. It was the day right after Curtis passed away, as well as his birthday. It was the first time experiencing the first big holiday/family day without him and if you ask me, it didn’t take long to sort of check that one off the list. Now that we are a couple months into the year, I find myself going through an emotional roller coaster leading up to my birthday. This will be the first time waking up on that day and not seeing Curtis’ big smile, anticipating my reaction to his gifts. Sometimes he would be so excited to show me the gifts he got me, that he couldn’t wait until my actual birthday to give them to me. It’s painful to think about, but one of the main things that keeps me in those moments is the fact that I cannot do this by myself. It’s my surrendering heart that keeps me going. It’s the fact that even when it hurts, the Creator of the universe takes the time to carry me through those moments, that I know for a fact I cannot carry myself.
In this Chapter 26 series, I want to walk you guys through the 13 days before my birthday. The emotions, the ups, the downs, the joy, the pain. I want you guys to see, in real time, the things I think about, read about, and just whatever comes to mind on that day. Today the emotions where high but this beautiful green tea frappuccino is totally bringing so many happy feels into my tummy.
Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day today, until tomorrow…
love, michelle ana